The spilled beans
Thursday April 18th, 2013
This is a small part of myself declaring having depression and it’s about time to expose this to the online world. What I am going to write is personal and a mixture of fiction/non-fiction. Rest assured, I try not to go off the rails (Lordy… Did that happen already?)
Discovering that I have depression is like finding the lost holy grail, you know you are aware of it but where to put the dull thing? On top of the mantel piece? Next to the book case? Or is it going to be shoved in the back of the drawer and forget it.
No. It has to be drawn out to be displayed like a trophy cabinet perhaps hidden off the main section for people to discover. It’s there. Right in front of me, in a gloop of black sticky tar. It sticks and the only way to deal with it is to tackle it head on.
I was prescribed citalopram, the de-facto common drug, of 10mg. A tiny dosage that will bring unpredictable side effects. Word to the wise, don’t read the instructions for the drug. The mind boggled at the fascination of it all. My wife, Hannah, who is a staff nurse recognised the drug and is prepared to deal whatever come her way. May it be myself having to dress down to my boxer shorts screaming “THIS IS MY NUTS!” to weepy Craig of “OH GOD, I CAN’T MAKE A SIMPLE CUP OF TEA”. Stephen Fry, eat your heart out.
Please be aware dear readers, Hannah will not take on the full brunt of this madness as I have a counsellor booked whom I will offload in a neutral battlefields with prongs. Zombies will be wandering around this walking into them. I see them as memories that can be perished for good. Having a wife who loves me unconditionally is something I cannot explain and I’m protecting her from my madness. Nobody should deal with this alone.
Depression and anxiety are two different peas in a pod. Both can affect each other, bounce off each other, love each other and hate each other. It’s a relationship that they crave to feed off among the emotions and mentality state.
Stay tuned for part two where I encountered the first couple of weeks that turned my life upside down…
Postcards From The Edge
Thursday April 4th, 2013
Staring at the flashing cursor on the iPad and taking stock what has happened in the past few months of this year. It was a pressing time and contains a lot of small emotional time bombs ready to go off. “When? When? When?” danced around my mind.
I want to talk about a taboo subject that we are still shedding lights from.
Depression and anxiety.
Why, oh, why do we turn a blind eye to these subjects? Why nobody can speak up and say “I need help”.
It takes three words for someone to say it.
It takes someone to look, step up and talk to them. You would be amazed how much it would take to get someone to talk to you within ease. In the world we are in today, we are sufferers and sometimes silent sufferers. The typical British stiffer upper lips kicks in and we don’t ever speak up.
It is utter crap that people nowadays on the streets doesn’t think twice about everyone else because of this “me me me” culture spawned by the media and it is a shit stirrer. Look at magazines of airbrushed models of both sexes, how is that going to clamour the mind of teenagers wanting to look like them? Never mind that, what about TV like EastEnders, Hollyoaks, The Only Way Is Up Your Arse (sorry fakers, you are all so mindlessly dull on the screen, is that a tumbleweed in your mind?) and many wasted talent shows that does not inspire a nation.
What brought up this subject?
1) I used to suffer from anxiety. My method for coping with this was helped by a wee tiny low dosage and give up control by saying Yes to things. Believe me, that journey was from the simple, the crazy and the downright bizarre. Maybe I will write my…err… ‘findings’ purely for research.
2) Recently, depression got the better of me and I’m dealing with it remarkably well. That’s a positive approach and rightly so. My wife and my beautiful son Ollie are the two main cores to my life where I am still functioning for them. My friends and family are rallying behind me. It is good to have that support.
The only thing is that I have to deal with this myself and the only way out is to go through the tunnel. The tablets are not the end and be all, it is about my life, my family, friends, working life and the determination to be better, mentally stronger, confidence gaining. It is a spring cleaning of my mind, body and soul. Putting everything back in the right place, developing a thicker skin and ignoring the naysayers out there.
If anyone you know are going through depression/anxiety or exhibiting signs of it without themselves realising it, please talk to them. There is nothing wrong with this act and your kindness will shine through because you are helping them.
For more chock-a-block of information, check out Time To Change .
Google Doodle – Douglas Adams
Monday March 11th, 2013
What a wonderful tribute.
Working While You’re Asleep
Monday March 11th, 2013
Here’s a teaser:
Michael Caine said “Look Vidal, you’re doing alright, you’re making a few bob, but you’re not going to get really rich the way you’re going.”
[Read this] with Caine’s voice in your head…
Pebble Watch Face
Thursday March 7th, 2013
For the people who are lucky enough to own a Pebble watch, have a look at some concepts of what I think should be on the watch face.
I’m still waiting for mine to arrive and boy, patience is a virtue.